Sometimes life sends us a curve ball that knocks us off course and forces us to stop, take stock and re-set. This happened to me in August and forced me to step back from everything work related and to focus all my energies on family. The impact of having to tip the work life balance scales so drastically is huge for anyone, but as a freelancer, it can feel catastrophic! Of course there is the financial impact, but more than that there are the mental repercussions which aren't always talked about.
Firstly, there is the creative loss when having to step away from projects or work you have already invested time and energies in. As creatives we give so much of ourselves to create work that it feels an incredibly personal journey and so there is an emotional impact when the process can't be seen through to the end. I was hugely disappointed to not be able to see The Tempest project I was co-directing for Elevator Arts to its completion and the final shared photos and video of the show had a significant emotional impact that I wasn't really prepared for.
Then there is the motivational impact. I find creative energy has a duel flow; the energy of delivering the work is fuelled by the energy of those who receive the work. So, when that flow is interrupted, it can be a real struggle to find the motivation to ignite that energy again. Then add the blow to confidence into the mix and the situation gets tougher. That's because when there is no space for creative dreaming, brainstorming, researching, preparing and delivery, there always seems to be the space for doubting and with that doubt the anxiety of where work will come from and the ability to do it.
I think we need to discuss this more as freelancers and find a way to reach and support each other through the tough times.
I count myself very lucky that I did have a project to return to thanks to Cultural Engine's 'Orchard' and a very understanding and supportive co-creator and facilitator in Jacqson Diego Story Emporium to work with. It also really helped to have the support of Elevator Arts and to be invited to share in their continuing projects with Blast and Sound On. Life is still a juggle - isn't it always - but I feel very fortunate to be getting back on the creative horse and riding through the rough terrain!
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